That Awful Goodbye.

Last night was my last night with the family. We had a little fiesta at the house with the kids, made American cookies, got out the balloon table cover, blew up some balloons, put on some 'Suavemente'. Then for "la ulutima cena" the parents thought it would be a good idea to eat American food. So we went to the McDonald's in the mall. (of course) Got a bunch of dollar menu things for the kids. They hated it. Except M. It was hilarious. Hilarious! The kids hated McDonald's. Oh what a great last night.

This morning I watched TV with the kids on the pullout bed. I made tortilla de patata with Joseba. He taught me. Then we made natilla. Then played with the kids, made videos, took pictures. Then we went downstairs to meet Joseba with the fruganeta /multivan. Took a couple pictures. Gave kisses to each of the kids and iciar and joseba a big hug and kisses. As they were getting in the van I couldn't help it and I started crying. I never cry. Last time I cried really hard was days before I bought my ticket to Spain 8 months ago. And when you cry you can't just cry a little. It's either a little glisten to your eyes or crying. And I was crying. Embarrassed. Iciar was too. I got in and gave the kids each big hugs as tears were running down my face. They looked confused, they were worried. Leire told me I have tears. They were good hugs. I told them I was happy. And thanks all of them. The parents were trying to hurry so they wouldn't start crying. It was all a blur. The kind of thing where you aren't thinking, just feeling and doing. I didn't know if i'd cry or not. But when I realized I might not ever see these 3 crazy, wild, horrible and wonderful children again, it just came out. How can 5 months go so quickly when it seems like just yesterday we got in that same van from the airport. Suddenly it didn't matter that people were seeing me cry (no one see's me cry). When I went in for those hugs they were worried and confused (never seen me cry before) but they knew it was serious. Joseba gave me another hug and said "te queremos mucho" As the door was shutting I could see the kids through the dark tinted windows waving at me unsuredly, but lovingly. I saw the silhouettes blowing me kisses, I did the same. I waited till the drove around the corner and immediately turned around and went straight to the house. The tears, the ugly tears kept coming. 

That's it. Just like that. A goodbye. I cried really hard from the creaky elevator back to J's room. As I sit down my mind is searching for some sort of comfort.

Now I'm sitting inside this empty house, the faint smell of tortilla with American cookies we made. The balloon birthday table cover still set. Balloons hiding behind the couch. A plate with the lunch they just made all ready for me in the kitchen, and my large overstuffed bags neatly stacked in my miniature room I've called home for the last 5 months. What an end. What an end to a most unbelievable 5 months. 

I still am terrified to wake up and this all be a dream.

 I am grateful for the kids and the love that I was able to gain for them. And let me tell you, It was gained. Slowly. Progressively. But that's the best and strongest kind of love, right? Love that is learned? I am grateful that as I leave them, leave this place, I feel nothing but joy and love for my time here. I have been so happy these last weeks. Not for going home (Although I had joy for it), but just for where I was in my life. I am so blessed. I hope and pray that I never forget them and this experience. I look forward to the day I see them again, my Spain family.